Him Alone

This past year has been quite a ride. Quite a ride indeed. So many times I found myself asking God why things were the way they were and wondering when my life would change to be what I thought it should be. A new, better paying job, my own apartment, more friends, a boyfriend - these are the things I have been striving for this past year, well actually longer than that. If you had have asked me, I would have said that Christ was first in my life, I would have told you that if this was where God wanted me than I was willing to be here and I would have proclaimed that Jesus is enough, but the truth is I wasn't living that way. I may have spoken those things, I may have known them in my mind to be true, but I was not believing these truths in my heart. I was saying that Jesus was all I needed, but then complaining that I 'needed' a new job, or I 'needed' to move out, or I 'needed' a boyfriend. I didn't see it at the time, but now I realize that I may have been seeking God, but I was also seeking security and independence and materialism.

This summer at church, the sermon series is titled "God's Story" and the pastors are going through an overview of Bible showing how my story, your story and our story are all a part of His story. This morning the sermon focused on the prophets, specifically Amos. The pastor repeatedly stated the point that, "The bigger the relationship, the bigger the responsibility." My relationship with God is big, the most important relationship I will ever have, but with that does come a big responsibility.

In the book of Amos we see the story of the prophet who was a shepherd. He had a calling from God to go to the people of Israel to deliver a message to them. Much of the book of Amos is a call to repentance for God's people and as the pastor pointed out this morning, this message is just as relevant to us today as God's people. He went on to discuss repentance, how it is so much more than telling God you're sorry, but really a complete 180 degree turn and true passionate hunger to return to Him believing that Jesus, and Jesus alone is enough. And that's when it hit me. As much as I would say that Jesus is enough, I was definitely not believing it or living it out. I was wandering away from Him to seek and pursue other things - jobs, apartments, relationships. I will admit that there were times that I knew God didn't want me to apply for these new jobs or pursue relationships with certain people - and I did so anyway. I disobeyed my Creator, my Saviour.

Another big theme of the prophetic books is that of discipline. I really appreciated and learned from the way that the pastor explained God's discipline. Relating it to parenting he described that similar to when a child does something wrong, parents wants to correct and discipline out of love. As children of God, when we disobey Him He disciplines not out of revenge or anger, but out of love. He disciplines because He wants us to return to Him. Wow. Such.incredible.love.

There was a very powerful prayer time at the end of the service where we were encouraged to take time to repent - to turn from the things of world with a passionate hunger to strive after Christ. I sat there and repeated over and over to Him, "Jesus, I need You and You alone." In that moment God showed me that I had never truly stood firm on that truth before. It was at that time that I threw away my wants of getting a different job, getting my own apartment and finding a boyfriend to surrender to God's desire for me to turn completely to Him. I don't need those things, I need Jesus - I NEED Him every moment of every day.

I think it's one of those Christian phrases that we spit out time and time again not really being aware of what it truly means, not fully believing that Jesus is absolutely all that we need. One moment we sing these songs that proclaim that Jesus is all we need, His grace is enough and the next minute we're doing what I was and saying I 'need' a new job, I 'need' a boyfriend, I 'need' [fill in the blank]. No, I DON'T need these things that the world shouts to us that we 'need' - I NEED Jesus. I need Him to guide me, to love me and to help me love others, I need Him to direct my next step and I need Him to merely take.another.breath.

What an absolutely freeing realization to know that you don't have to pour energy into pursuing the frustrating things of this world, but rather pursue Jesus and He will take care of the rest.

Maybe I will be at this job for the rest of my life, perhaps I will be living with my parents for a while longer and there is a possibility that I will be single for life - but I...have..Jesus. I have absolutely everything that I need and will ever need. He has been enough, He is enough and He will ALWAYS be enough.

Jesus I need YOU and You alone.

In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise, give me Jesus

Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus, 
You can have all this world, 
But give me Jesus

When I am alone
When I am alone
When I am alone, give me Jesus

Give me Jesus, 
Give me Jesus, 
You can have all this world, 
But give me Jesus

When I come to die
When I come to die
When I come to die, give me Jesus