Reflecting

It was a sick day today. I didn't go to work, I slept and rested all day. It gave me a lot of time to think and reflect about the last month. Really not what I expected it to be at all. Isn't that often how it goes? You see for my family Christmas had become a lot about tradition, there are certain things that we do every year ever since I can remember. I have mixed feelings about this. In a way I like tradition, but not when it just becomes dead. This Christmas season my world was shaken and nearly all of this tradition didn't happen as it normally does. In some sense it was hard to be in the 'Christmas spirit' but I realized that through all of this I was able to truly celebrate Christmas. No fluff, no dead traditions, no secular Christmas junk. I worshipped my Savior this Christmas for the greatest gift in all of history. I worshipped Him for His incredible love, grace and mercy and I fell deeper in my love for Him. My heart and mind were cleared of the distractions that tore my focus from Christ and God showed me that what I considered Christmas spirit wasn't true Christmas spirit at all.

• Christmas fell on a Sunday this year meaning we went to church in the morning instead of having our big brunch. I loved being able to worship my Savior with my church family on Christmas morning.
• My Grandpa passed away two weeks ago. I really miss him, but found myself incredibly grateful for God's grace which meant that my Grandpa spent Christmas with Jesus this year. Oh how I long to join them.
• My cousin joined us for Christmas day this year and I am thankful that we were able to spend time with her and love on her with the love of Christ.
• I was sick with a respiratory infection meaning I couldn't sing like I normally do on Christmas Eve and spent the last few days feeling pretty yucky. It was humbling. Instead of viewing the Christmas Eve church service as a performance like a usually struggle with, I prayed and focused on making it a time for people to come and worship their Savior with fullness of heart. Sitting at the front watching the congregation hold candles and worship God was so encouraging. God is working in those hearts and I love that He reveals glimpses of it sometimes. Being sick also allowed me to spend time thinking, praying and reflecting on what's most important in life.
• I got a job at the beginning of the month and worked a lot of hours so I didn't watch any Christmas specials, go to any Christmas concerts or do Christmas baking liked I had hoped. God showed me His provision and I am thankful that He provided me with this job so that I can pay my bills, build relationships with co-workers and be a light for Him in a dark place.
• The gifts I gave this year were truly to show my love for the people in my life and I felt grateful for the gifts I received - they were thoughtful and creative reminding me of why we give gifts at Christmas in the first place, because of the Great gift we were given over 2000 years ago.

I didn't do any of the 'usual' Christmas activities. I am still grieving the loss of a loved one. I was sick. This was the best Christmas I've ever had. I saw God bring good out of struggle, was brought to a clearer understanding of the depth of the Christmas story, and worshipped God with fullness of heart. This is what Christmas is about.

Thank You Jesus for coming into our broken world being both fully God and fully human that you could understand each joy and struggle that we go through. Thank You for family and time spent with them, but more importantly thank You for Your saving grace so that one day we will all be together in eternity. I pray for those who don't know You, but were able to hear about you this Christmas. Penetrate their hearts Lord with Your love and bring them to a place where they recognize their sin and desire a relationship with You. Lord I am so grateful for Your grace, mercy and love this Christmas and am thankful that even though this month has been really difficult, You have brought so much good from it. I love you SO much and am so grateful for all that You have done that has allowed me to fall more in love with You. You are so good. Lord how I long to be with You, but until then give me the strength I need to make you known to those around me.

A Gift We Don't Deserve

A few days ago I was grumpy. Really grumpy. I had to deal with upset customers, be on my feet all day and had to stay up to finish some planning and I had quite a bad attitude about it all. I was being selfish, unloving, and rude. As I drove home to go to bed God convicted me that I was not being led by the Spirit and was not relying on God to carry my through this rather overwhelming time. After apologizing to a few people I went to bed.

The next day started much like the day before, I was not happy to have to work again. After a gentle reminder from God though I decided that I was going to have a better attitude and lean on God to get me through the day. The day turned right around. Customers were friendly and encouraging, I began enjoying interacting with co-workers and had a rather joyful outlook on the day. God poured out His grace and mercy on me and I was completely humbled because I knew that I certainly did not deserve it after the way I had acted. But God was not finished there. As I was in the middle of folding a sweater at work I could sense God speaking saying, "Don't You see? This is what Christmas is about, receiving a gift that You didn't deserve." For anyone watching, I must have looked foolish because I stood there gazing off as this light bulb moment occurred. You see I have prayed year after year for God to just allow me to understand Christmas in a deeper way and celebrate it the way it was meant to be celebrated. He is answering my prayers, more than I ever expected.

I am left amazed and in awe, grateful for my Saviour.

What It's All About

It's funny, how I had this plan laid out of what I thought I needed to study and learn through this Advent season, but once again God had other plans. He had something more important that He wanted to remind me of. Through the events of my life this week I was once again reminded of the brevity of life and it was also through these circumstances that God reminded me of the things that are most important in this life. It's SO easy to get caught up in this world. The materialism, the greed, the selfishness. I know it's there, but I don't realize how much it controls me sometimes especially at this time of the year. Although sad circumstances, I was thankful for this reminder and grateful that God realigned my focus.

We say oh it's not the gifts that make Christmas, yet 5 minutes later we are writing a wish list or stressing about those last few people that we still have to buy for. I thought about this a lot today. If I was on a deserted island in December without my box of Christmas decorations, or a grocery story to buy a turkey and all the fixings and without a Christmas tree surrounded by gifts to give and receive I could celebrate Christmas, in fact in would probably be a lot easier. I don't need all that fluff to celebrate the love of God who sent His son that would eventually die for my sin so that I could have a relationship with Him. You see because that is the most important thing about Christmas and when it comes down to it that is what life is about.

Jesus didn't leave the throne so that we could hang Christmas lights, cut down a tree, stand in long lines at WalMart or even so that we could get together for family dinners - He came to bring hope to a broken world, peace to our chaotic lives and love to our hurting hearts. He was born that we may have life, abundant life (John 10:10). This Christmas I am celebrating a love that knows no end and growing in my love for the One who will I get to spend eternity with. Oh Lord, how I long for that day.

Mary

I've always had a fascination and a sense of awe for Mary. Maybe because I find that out of all those involved in that first Christmas I find that I can relate to her best or maybe I'm just captivated by her character as a young woman or maybe it's a bit of both. I am drawn to her. I have always wanted to play Mary in a nativity play.

As I've been reading and studying The Christmas story (mainly Luke 1-2) in depth I've found myself wondering what Mary was like. Luke 1:26-37 recounts Gabriel's visit to Mary during which he calls her "favoured one." Can you imagine?! First of all an angel is before you, but then he is telling you that you are highly favoured by God. WOW! What fascinates me the most is Mary's response and through it I think you can get a good idea of why Mary was favoured. First, her humility is beautiful. It is most likely that Mary knew of the prophecies of the coming Messiah so that wouldn't have surprised her. I think the astonishment would have been that God chose her. Of all the young virgins that could have been the mother of Jesus, God chose Mary. I also love seeing Mary's obedience in these verses. Still perplexed by the fact that God had chosen her and I'm sure quite fearful regarding her situation Mary accepts the message of Gabriel with faithfulness and fullness of heart.

I think though what I admire most about Mary is how she was able to put God's words above those of anyone else. There is no doubt that Mary was criticized and condemned by fellow Nazarenes, and as difficult as it must have been Mary knew whose approval mattered more. I'm a people pleaser and often I find myself working for the approval of others instead of my Master. I pray that I can have that trust and intimacy with God that His mandate would be my first priority, what I strive for daily above all else.

She held Him in the beginning, He held her in the end.

As a child He followed behind her, but in due time she followed Him to the cross and the tomb.

The Parable of the Shopper

I received this in a Christmas Advent devotional yesterday and it was too good not to share. It is such a good reminder that combats what society tries to tell us this time of year.

"I was tired. I had been Christmas shopping all day long. When the bus finally arrived, it was packed with holiday shoppers in the same exhausted mood as I. I sank into the only vacant place, near the back, by a handsome gentleman. He politely helped me to situate my packages and even held some of them himself.

"My goodness," he said, "did you leave any merchandise still in the stores for the rest of us?"

"I don't think so," I moaned. "Worst of all, I still haven't made all of my purchases."

The woman in the seat behind us joined in my grief and added, "No, the worst thing is that the day after Christmas we will be carrying this same armload back to the store to exchange it."

Her comment brought a general chuckle from all those within earshot, including my seat mate. As the laughter subsided, he began in a quiet, melodious voice, deepened with experience, to teach me a lesson that I have never forgotten:

"Hear now the parable of the shopper," he said, speaking gently and indicating my packages. "A woman went forth to shop, and as she shopped, she carefully planned. Each child's desires were considered. The hard-earned money was divided, and the many purchases were made with the pure joy and delight that is known only to the giver. Then the gifts were wrapped and placed lovingly under the tree. In eager anticipation she scanned each face as the gifts were opened."

"'What a lovely sweater,' said the eldest daughter, 'but I think I would prefer blue. I suppose I can exchange it?'

"'Thank you for the cassette player, Mother. It's just what I wanted,' said her son. And then aside, secretly to his sister, he continued, 'I told her I wanted the one with the automatic reverse and an extra speaker. I never get what I want!'

"The youngest child spoke out with the spoiled honesty of her age, 'I hate rag dolls! I wanted a china doll. I won't play with it!' And the doll, still in the box, was kicked under the couch."

"One gift still lay under the tree. The woman pointed it out to her husband. 'Your gift is still there.'

"'I'll open it when I have the time,' he stated. 'I want to get this bike put together first.'

"How sad it is," continued his soft, beautiful voice. "When gifts are not received in the same spirit they are given. To reject a thoughtful gift is to reject the loving sentiment of the giver himself. And yet, are we not all sometimes guilty of rejecting?"

He was talking not only to me, but to all of those on the bus. They had all gathered around. The bus was parked.

He took a present from my stack.

"This one," he said, holding it up and pretending to open the card, "could be to you." He pointed to a rough-looking, teenage boy in a worn denim jacket and pretended to read the gift card. "To you I give My life, lived perfectly, as an example so that you might see the pattern and live worthy to return and live with Me again. Merry Christmas from the Messiah."

"This one," he said, holding up a pure, white present, "is for you." He held out the gift to a worn-looking woman, who in earlier years must have been a real beauty. She read the card out loud and allowed her tears to slip without shame down her painted face. "My gift to you is repentance. This Christmas I wish you to know for certain that though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow. Signed, your Advocate with the Father."

"That isn't all. No, here is a big, red package." he looked around the group and brought a ragged, unkempt, little child forward. "This package would be for you if He were here. The card would say, 'On this Christmas and always, My gift to you is love. From your brother, Jesus.'"

"One final gift," said my seat mate. "The greatest of all the gifts of God--Eternal life!"

He held our minds and our hearts. We were a hungry audience. Though our shopping had left us drained, now we were being filled by his words.

"How we receive these gifts, these precious gifts from the Babe of Bethlehem, is the telling point. Are we exchangers?" he asked. "Is there really anything else we would rather have? It is what we do with a gift long after we have opened it that shows our true appreciation." *

This is what Christmas is about. This is what we all need to be reminded of. I don't want to be an exchanger. Jesus may I truly honour you as the Precious Gift that You are.

*Author unknown

My Prayer This Christmas

I've been praying this over the last month or so.

Jesus, the Light of the World, as we celebrate your birth may we begin to see the world in the light of understanding you give us. As you chose the lowly, the outcasts, and the poor to receive the greatest news the world had ever known, so may we worship you in meekness of heart. May we also remember our brothers and sisters less fortunate than ourselves in this season of giving. Amen.*

I'm not exaggerating when I say that thinking about all those in need physically, emotionally, spiritually just in my town alone truly breaks my heart. I am saddened by those who are just waiting for someone to reach out to them. I pray that God would show me how to do just that.

*Written by Karen L. Oberst

Hope

The first theme of Advent.

I've been mulling this over for the last few days trying to grasp the desperation these people faced. 400 years of silence. Not a word of prophecy, no miracles and no "Thus saith the Lord" for 400 years. I get impatient and frustrated when I feel like God hasn't spoken to me for a week let alone going through your whole lifetime with nothing but silence from God. I can't help but wonder if I was living in those times would I have held out hope?

Prophets promised Israel a Saviour (see Isaiah 7, 9 to start) and that promise was repeated generation after generation with no one knowing when it would actually come to pass.

At church on Sunday I learned more of the history of state of the nation of Israel during this time. The book of Malachi provides a good picture of the times right before that 400 years of silence. The people of Israel had become greedy, selfish and arrogant before God and that which was evil they began calling good. The government was corrupted and divorce was on the rise. Hearing my pastor describe what a horrible place Israel had become really helped me to put this theme of hope into perspective.

I don't know about you, but there are some days when I watch the news, read the newspaper or hear about horrific things that have happened to the lives of those around me that I truly long for my Messiah to come. Isn't that just like the time of Jesus' birth? I'm beginning to understand the hope these people clung onto for Someone to save them from the reality they faced, Someone to rescue them from sin that surrounded them, a King to rule with dignity, love and justice. I get it. I want that same thing today. I long for Jesus to return and save us from the horrible place this world has become.

The Journey of Advent

Today began the first Sunday of advent.

For me, it is always a bittersweet time.

I look forward to being able to celebrate the birth of my Saviour, but I recognize that celebrating that very first Christ for all that it truly means is becoming more and more difficult each year. This world robbed us of Christmas a long time ago.

This year I am anticipating growing in my understanding of that very first Christmas and the events surrounding it. Every year around this time I begin praying that God would allow me to view the nativity story with a deeper knowledge of it's impact and significance that it may never become another dead ritual. I truly desire to worship my Saviour this Christmas with joy in my heart for His first arrival and a hopeful expectation of His second coming.

God has already revealed ways to me in which He is answering that prayer and I am excitedly waiting to see what He is going to do in this next month. I've decided to document this time, mainly for myself because I really enjoy writing and I know that it helps me to process what I am learning, but I hope that in some way through reading these posts that God will deepen your understanding of that very first Christmas allowing you to worship Him with fullness of heart this Christmas.